


The Ghosts Of All My Guilt

by ChloeMagea



Series: The woe of Loki Laufeyson and Sjöfn Heimdalldóttir [26]
Category: Loki-Fandom, MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 06:07:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeMagea/pseuds/ChloeMagea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A conversation with Loki and Frigga about him and Sjöfn’s woe, takes place after she visits him in his cell. TW: Talks of suicide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghosts Of All My Guilt

Loki sat in his cell, he had been back there for months but it had been just yesterday that Sjöfn had visited him for the first and last time. He had learned that after his fall in to the void that she tried to kill herself. He could see the scars on her wrists every time he closed his eyes. He felt sick every time he thought it about. There was a familiar whosh behind him, he turned around to see Frigga’s illusion.

"My son, how are you?" The Queen asked, she frequently visited him but he knew that she wished to speak him on a certain matter. Loki stood and walked over to her slowly, keeping his eyes on the white floor. "How was the visit with Lady Sjöfn? She didn’t talk much after she saw you I just to see how things went.” She said forcing a smile on her face, it was true Sjöfn hand’t said anything about her last visit with Loki. It had been at Odin’s decree that the maiden would have one single hour with him and that would be the last time she would see him. The King figured if Loki could see the woman he loved then what kind of punishment would he have? Loki chuckled bitterly at his mothers words and looked up at her.

"She tried to kill herself." he uttered. "She showed me the scars…" Frigga looked away and closed her eyes shaking her head slightly. "She took my blade and cut herself open as if she were a pig. I made her value her life so little where she wanted to be with me in suicide.” Loki uttered his words heavy. “I was the reason that she wanted to be nothing anymore, and now her warmth is taken from me for all time.”Loki looked at the queen and tightened his jaw attempting to stop the tears from forming in his green eyes. “How do you think it went?” He cut.  Frigga sighed and slumped her shoulders. She had hoped that Sjöfn hadn’t told him, she didn’t want him to know That was a seething guilt that he would have to know for the rest of his days. 

"She took your death every hard, Loki." Frigga spoke. 

"Hard enough that she would be willing to damn her soul?" He asked turning away. 

"She thought that you killed yourself, we all morned for you. Even Odin…" She said her words to met with a scuff from Loki. "But Sjöfn…" She shook her head. "Her pain so powerful, it wasn’t normal…" Loki turned to face his mother, tears now daring to brim over. "She acted as if she were hexed." Frigga uttered looking at him, she knew magic she taught him most of what he knew. She watched his face, he didn’t say anything only closing his tightly the tears falling down his face. "Loki…you didn’t…" Frigga uttered putting her hand over her mouth, she was horrified. Loki felt sick physically ill, realizing why Sjöfn had tried to kill herself. He brought his hands up to his face and sobbed. 

"Why?!" Frigga yelled, if she had been able to she would have grabbed him and shook him.  "Why would you do that to her?"

"I-I didn’t think it would work." He uttered. 

"That is blood magic…it is outlawed in Asgard. You know this!" His mothers voice cut. 

"We were young! I had no idea what it would do to her!" He yelped like a scared boy. Recalling the memory when they tasted each others blood during a passionate amorous exchange. When Sjöfn innocently trusted him thinking of it as nothing more then devious sex, not even hearing the words he uttered under his breath cementing the link between them.

"Do you realize what you’ve done? Do you know how close to death she came?" She asked stepping towards him. "Thor and Sif are the only reasons she breaths still. Do you know what he told me?" Loki clinched his teeth, he didn’t want to hear but he knew she would speak anyway. "He said that she lost so much blood that went in to shock…she started vomiting on herself." Loki let out a pained groan, he was picturing it her bleeding out, body shuttering on the healing table, bile seeping from her lips. "Thor had to hold her up so she didn’t drown in her own mess." Loki couldn’t take anymore his back hitting the wall, he crumbled to the floor of his cell. She watched him sob, recalling how Thor looked they had gotten word at what happened. His hands covered in her blood, both him and Sif shaken and horrified what they saw. 

"I-I just wanted her to be mine…" Loki hicked. A solitary tear running down Frigga’s face as she looked at him. 

"And she is." She spoke. "From now until always, Sjöfn will be your’s even though you will spend you days here she still will never taste true love again because you took that from her."Her words bit at him, he had ruined the woman he loved. "My son, I love you so, but you’ve always been selfish." Loki swallowed hard and looked up at her.

"Mother, please don’t tell her…she’ll hate me…" He begged.  

"I would never tell her, she’s suffered enough." Frigga said. "I’m sorry I must go…"

"Wait!" Loki got to his feet. "Is there way to reverse it?" He asked. Frigga paused and looked down.

"Yes. A _s_ acrifice by the blood.” She said before disappearing in to green mist, leaving with him with his guilt. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> AN: The Sacrifice was her son, till this day Sjöfn has no idea that at one point Loki bound himself to her. What an asshole.


End file.
